I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
