can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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