Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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