I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i dont even know how to be here
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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