Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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