guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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