i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
