Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
