i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You're like the curious george of whores
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
