Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
