Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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