just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I color on your dick again?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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