so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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