I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
