I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
