i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The power of my boobs compel you
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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