well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
try to milk me bitch
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