I heard we made out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
