Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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