we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
