was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
