what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So vagazzling was a success
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
