Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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