My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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