You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
