She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
