If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
