Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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