Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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