All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Still dying that you shit outside
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
