Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
