After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
