i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
