at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
