i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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