I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
