i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
