I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
