last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
