I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
