how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
