Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
