Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
