I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
