it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
