girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
