If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
