Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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