sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
