There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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