he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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