Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The best revenge is premature balding
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
