And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
